The melding of millennial vernacular with political issues is an unlikely but delightful pairing (sort of like bacon and syrup). This marriage allows for the nuances of today’s slang to truly capture the complexities of the world’s geopolitical climate. In other words, it lets me drop truth bombs about old white men in ways that a 16 year old might too understand (and actually read). A truly blessed union.
And with that said, I proclaim… Prime Minister Trudeau is a woke fuckboy.
Readers over *a certain age,* fret not. I will explain.
Term 1: Woke
Some people only know 'woke' as the past tense of the word wake. And frankly, that is closely connected to the new meaning of woke. Woke, in a nutshell, is about being aware. Woke is knowing what's going on in the community and the world. It means you are attuned to, and have a solid understanding of, racism, sexism and social injustice. A woke person is someone who 'gets it' - they understand how the intersections of bigotry affect our daily lives. They have, if you'll indulge me, woken up to the injustices that permeate society.
Term 2: Fuckboy
Dictionary.com defines the term fuckboy as: “A fuckboy is that guy … the one who doesn't respect women, but relies on them heavily. He's distant, doesn't care about other people's time, and won't commit." Urban Dictionary delves into a little more detail: "…boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for ‘pics’ once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust. Boys like this will pretend to genuinely care about the girl but always fail to prove the supposed affection…” I would define a fuckboy as any man that consistently engages in problematic and destructive behaviour towards women for his own gain.
Term 3: Woke Fuckboy
The woke fuckboy, also known as a ‘wokeboy,’ is a guy who is woke and uses this knowledge for his benefit with women. He watches Dear White People, loves Ellen DeGeneres and voted for Hilary. He is well versed in the woes of patriarchy, familiar with all the social justice lingo and might even show his face at a protest or two…yet still engages in problematic (aka typical fuckboy) behaviour. Many scholars (and teenage girls) argue that wokeboys are worse than your average fuckboys because they lull you into a false sense of security. They woo you by reading books by bell hooks and rolling their eyes with you at sexist comments. They play a role, and they play it well.
Woke fuckboys are like chameleons; they work to blend into their environment to survive, and in this case, flourish.
Trudeau, the cool kid.
You know who is cool? Trudeau. He takes action shots while on his daily runs, he's up on all the lingo that the kids today are speaking, and he wears funky socks. This past election’s survival tactic was being cool, and Trudeau works very hard to be cool by keeping up with the latest trends.
One of those trends is feminism. Like any self-respecting woke fuckboy, Trudeau knew he had to put in a little work (be woke) to get what he wants (votes), so he studied up to woo us.
It's worked - we've been dazzled. We “ooed”' when he appointed a gender parity cabinet. We “ahhed” when he declared himself a feminist at the UN. And we melted in our seats when he whispered sweet progressive nothings to us on Twitter. Trudeau is a woke fuckboy because he talks the talk. He is charming and says things we want to hear. Heck, our political legs spread apart when he declared “because it’s 2015.”
But these last few years have shown us that Trudeau isn’t the progressive saviour we had hoped. Rather, he has slowly and sneakily – in true fuckboy fashion - let us down. He’s not as bad as that guy we were seeing before, but, come on, that grumpy man set an extremely low bar.
He was fine at first. In fact, charming. That smile, am I right? But as time went on, things got a little worse. Slow replies to our calls or emails, vague and lacklustre responses about our eager suggestions for plans, and it seemed like we always felt a little disappointed after talking with him. Nothing horrible though, no red flags. But that hair, am I right?
Yes, there were some signs, but like with all charming men, they were easy to ignore. Our relationship with Trudeau was new and exciting and so much better than our last relationship with that socially awkward, vindictive man. We didn’t want to make waves. We were grateful. We had a young, charismatic man who told us we deserved more!
But, as always, the signs became a little more frequent and a little more severe. The voice in the back of our heads started talking to us more often. His values, which he so proudly shared with us at the beginning of our relationship, didn’t seem to be connecting with his actions. He told us he cared about justice for Indigenous families, but created a Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (MMIW) National Inquiry that failed to actually include the families. He took photos of welcoming Syrian refugees at the airport, but has done nothing to eliminate the Safe Third Country Agreement. He had the opportunity to appoint Canada’s first Indigenous Supreme Court Justice, but chose to further the status quo. When tasked with amending our ex's harmful Protection Of Communities And Exploited Persons Act, as ordered by the Supreme Court of Canada, Trudeau passed a new law that, just like the last one, violated sex workers’ rights. What happened to the man we fell for?
Every once in a while, he would do something nice. Nothing amazing, but nice enough to keep us on the line. Pointed criticism at a xenophobic speech or strong rhetoric on Twitter about reproductive rights. Sure, they weren’t transformative, but we were proud to be associated with him at that moment.
But, as these things go, the problems got bigger and we could no longer ignore them. For example, the Federal Court told the government – for the third time – that it had to comply with the Canadian Human Rights Tribunal decision and end the under funding of First Nations, Métis and Inuit Child and Family Services (CFS). We’re still waiting on that… He also bought a pipeline, for goodness sakes! He told us he was environmentally friendly when we met, but I guess that was just another lie to get us into [the voting polls]. He could’ve spent that $4.8 billion on clean water on reserves or adequately fund healthcare, but chose to side with the cool (read: powerful) dudes.
Holding fuckboys accountable.
As a politician, when you adopt a stance, you become subject to scrutiny and the citizenry will seek hold you accountable. You say you're tough on crime? We want to see more jails. You care about the environment? You better build some windmills. So when Trudeau, way back in 2015, proudly announced he was a feminist, he essentially invited all the self-identifying feminists of Canada to make sure that he wasn't just paying lip service to a demographic or hopping on the latest trend. Because feminism isn't something you say, but something you do. I don't care that my professor exclaims they're a feminist if they only ever call on men in class. I don't believe that my neighbour is a feminist if they let their kid say derogatory things to girls. Feminism isn't a label, it's a way of life. And if you want to be one, you have to act like one.
And that's where Trudeau has dropped the ball. He may talk like the man of our dreams, but he seems to be acting more and more like a fuckboy. He doesn't seem to care about our wants and needs. He promises things but never follows through. He says one thing but does another. Let down, after let down, after let down. Somehow his luscious brown locks no longer compensate for his issues.
Alas, Canadian feminists, we've been let down by another guy in a 'woke cloak' (I'm Trademarking that by the way). We really thought he was the one! But a fuckboy, no matter the twinkle in his eyes, isn't someone we should let control our lives. We have enough crap to deal with; we don't need a man who claims to be on our side but consistently disappoints us.
Now, of course, I'm not saying Trudeau can't change. Even the worst of fuckboys can come through to the other side. But in order for them to get there, they need a time out. They need to face real consequences. They need to be reminded that we aren't doormats and we won't put up with this concerning behaviour. We are strong, we hold our ground, and when a boy comes in and messes up our world, we let him know.
It’s time for Trudeau to know that his behaviour is unacceptable. Feminists across Canada are tired of his self-serving photo-ops used to mask his problematic policies. We will no longer fall prey to his wokeboy tactics. If he wants to be our main man, then he better start acting like it.
Prime Minister Trudeau: Shape up, or ship out.